spilling out

I have all these thoughts in my head and I’m just going to pour everything out into this fucking post. I’ve been working at this job as a sales photographer. It isn’t where I see myself but I’m still happy that I’m still shooting. That’s something right? I need to really work torward my dream. Since I got the job I’ve shot less. But I will start shooting more soon. I made new business cards today and got help from a good friend to print them for me and make me look really fancy. Once I get those thousands of cards out. I’m going to put them in photo book, go to coffee shops, give them out to people. Put them in photo classes.. Just really try. I need to try. Having this job makes me realize I want to work harder as a photographer. I love doing freelance work ,but really I can’t do freelance work forever. I can’t just drift. I’ve been drifting for too long. I need to grow up. And if I wanna grow up I need to really try to make amazing things and focus on my dream. That’s all I’ve got really. I’m so fucking happy that I have such supportive parents that let me be creative and treat me so wonderful. SO YES TO DOING ALL THAT. I need to keep this spark. Hanging out with edgar today was good. I need to surround myself with more creative people. It just makes everything so much easier. I drank coffee today and feel really shitty. I should really stop doing that. Because everytime I drink coffee, I feel like shit. I feel like I can ramble on forever. If you do read this please like it and don’t be shy and talk to me. I love e friends. I love this whole fucking tumblr community. Like really? How cool is that? You can talk to individuals all over the world and share each others interests. I went out with my mom at 1am to this Tai restaurant and it was lovely. I fucking love my Mom so much. Like why am I so lucky to have a parent like that? hahah all emotional and shit. I miss my best friend. I miss having one ride or die best friend. I really need to see her more often. I will do that!  She’s actually coming over right now to pick up some STUFF. On another note. It’s taken me 3 days to be totally fucking infatuated with someone. I do like people easily. That’s just me. It’s either I’m into you like really into you or not into you at all. Well sometimes kind of into you .EH But the difference is that the word infatuated came to mind.WTF. I am having so much fun with a hilarious,gorgeous, satanic sex god. He tells me that he’s not a sex machine and that he has to adapt to my ways. (;3) HAHAH He’s says I’m way too honest ,but he likes it.We got all kinds of stoned yesterday. He rolled a marijuana tobacco cigarette that was so weird. But it was nice and we rolled around and laughed through sex because I don’t even know. I don’t know about you guys but I haven’t really smiled during sex in a long time. Like you know that smile because it’s so good and youre like fuck. Damnit my spring break is almost over! SHIT SHIT SHIT . I really didn’t think I would have a spring fling. It’s so weird just bathing and cuddling and being cute and shit together. No way. He’s here for a month and two more weeks. I’m going to cuddle and fuck the shit out of him till he leaves.Okay so you know in movie scenes where they take like close up photos of like the guys lips and beard and body and it’s all perfect with like no pores or anything. I feel like when I see him that’s what I’m looking at. He’s a still from a fucking film and I am so crazy about him.. DAMNIT I know I’m going to be sad as fuck when he leaves. But I’m very happy to meet such and awesome person/lover. It’s been an amazing spring break. I had a spring fling. I saw A$AP Ferg with my lovely neighbor. I’ve smoked a copious amount of weed. I got rad commission off this photo job I did. I’m just so happy. Oh my new business cards are coming through and I’ve had so much sex. OO and tomorrow after work I’m going to go to a shooting range with my new lover. 

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  • #LML #YES #personal #fuck #apennyformythoughts
  • 1 day ago
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mariag365 reblogged this from you and added:

He said you were an awesome lay also. Was sad there was a breakup.
Hmm I don’t know who you’re talking about. Everyone that I’ve ever been with has broken up with me and I’m usually left heart fucking broken. This makes me angry. I mean, I understand that people break up with someone even if they broke up with you they could still be sad. But whenever anyone breaks up with me I’m usually so happy and unaware that anything was wrong then BOOM. Thinking about this . I am so happy I am single. God damn, I am in a writing mood. 
ALSO WHY DO YOU ONLY HAVE TWO POST ON YOUR BLOG AND they are just these? Are you fucking with me?I am so confused lol
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  • #personal
  • 3 days ago
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mariag365 reblogged this from poopingiscute and added:

About a year ago I broke up with a guy you know. Funny, he told me that when you two made love, must be two years ago, you told him he was the best fuck you had ever had. I guess things change. I like your photos.

Why thank you! Hmm who was it? I’m curious? Spill the beans because that guy might have been totally lying. LIKE WHAT kind of boyfriend tells you. “OH btw this girl nikki I fucked, said I was the best fuck she’s ever had”. I really don’t know how that could just come up. Unless I was dating someone for awhile. Who the fuck was I dating two years ago? EH WHO THE FUCK CARES.

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  • #personal #ask
  • 3 days ago
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last night (^_^)

resign1991
deets
 
ok I think I’ll just write down what I sent my sisters in a group text. YES I DO THAT . lol 
and add in a little more :3 
*Holy fuck guys. I had the most amazing time. We met at the front of the lobby at the hotel he was staying at. He is so cute. He drove us down to Hollywood to see the stars. It was his first time in America.He’s from spain btw. (for my fellow tumblr readers) and just such a babe.We were on a mission to find Antonio Bandares. We went to an Irish Pub and he bought me a few drinks. We talked about all the different places he’s traveled too and how different LA is from his home town. He says everything is so different he cant even explain it all. Then we just took some touristy photos lol. Omg we tried looking for some places to eat but it was hard for my vegan ass. Then we decided we weren’t hungry. There was a store called beso and he asked me if I knew what it meant. And I said “kiss” and then he kissed me. As cheesy as it was, it was a perfect first kiss. I kissed him softly cause I feel weird about kissing all intense in public. He told me he didn’t want a “work kiss” so we kissed again and it was just oh so wonderful. *INSERT MOKEY COVERING EYES EMOJI AND KISSYFACE EMOJI* After walking around more we almost went out to eat again but instead cause I couldnt wait hahaah and I kid you not. I had the most amazing sex ever. I was seriously fucked so good. I couldn’t even comprehend. How the fuck I ended up here and how this happened. You know that feeling? Like after you are just so ridiculously exhausted? Omg and his accent, and his face and his eyes and moles and ass. FUCK. I’m dying. After we had sex we took a bath together which was really nice. I felt really comfortable and just so nice.Then we had more sex, carressed eachother. I used his butt as a pillow and just hungout more. Anyone that doesn’t get weirded out about me touching their butt. Is like an automatic favorite person for me. And that was my day!  He’s only here for two months. So this is going to be awesome haha . And that was my wonderful date/one night stand haha 
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  • #sex #fun #personal #YES
  • 4 days ago
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On another note, MY LIFE FELT LIKE A FUCKING MOVIE YESTERDAY.

Should I spill the details.

OH MY GOD

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  • #personal #springbreak
  • 4 days ago
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Since I got this job I haven’t shot anything cool lately. So I’m going to look at my old photos and try to post stuff ya’ll haven’t seen. Or just old photos I like. Since this is now strictly my photo blog and my very boring life experiences. OH PLUS SELFIES duh

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  • #personal
  • 1 week ago

B+++++
Police men love me
Porn star voice PLEASE STOP
The best butt ever
Vegan gravy
The xx
Happy Tuesday!

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  • #personal
  • 1 week ago
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Yesterday
Thursday, April 3
frijolesonly replied to your photo“Eyes on Flickr.”
frijolesonly
Is this you?
YES SIR! Does it not look like me?
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  • #personal
  • 2 weeks ago

Someone made me their women crush wednesday on instagram.

I feel KeWlL 

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  • #personal
  • 2 weeks ago
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  • #california #nikkialfonzo #personal #yellowfilter #blunt #green #yellow
  • 2 weeks ago

GOALS

wear more of my clothes

be fuego for life

buy my new camera by the summer

shoot more lookbooks

work with other artists

be a zine making machine

hang out with my best friend more often 

get my pet photography thing going

shoot more weddings

shoot more film 

make a really rad commerical portfolio

test shoots

love me

RUN A LOT 

better business cards

MAKE FRIENDS

LOSE FRIENDS

FIND DA BAE 

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  • #personal
  • 2 weeks ago
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UGH I have all these mean thoughts in my head and they make me feel so ugly.

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  • #personal
  • 2 weeks ago
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  • #yesterday #personal
  • 4 weeks ago
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When your ex lover appears on your facebook feed.  I get a moment of bliss. I am so god damn happy that I didn’t end up with anyone I’ve ever liked. Not that they were all horrible. Some just weren’t for me. I just didn’t feel that little spark of happiness. I feel like when I have to question what the fuck am I doing here? I’m not happy. So I leave.I am so thankful for the people that have crushed my heart.  Because without them I wouldn’t realize how happy I could be. Shit, I fucking love 2014. I fucking love this fucking weather right now. I fucking love being here. 

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  • #personal #apennyformythoughts #love #like #ex #lovers #exlovers
  • 1 month ago
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I’m going to be a second shooter at this wedding Friday! Oh love. Hope it’s a rad one. And that I’m not worked off my ass like the last time I was a second shooter. BECAUSE THAT SUCKED ASS. At one point the photographer was drinking and I couldn’t even find him! EH. On another note I was really happy to be a part of that wedding. A fucking love story I tell you! 

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  • #personal
  • 1 month ago
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