Poopingiscute ;)

Dear Journal, 

              I had a really swell day today. It totally made up for friday. Pierre is over right now. He’s fast asleep on my couch. My parents let him stay over since he had class in the morning. I’m here in my room writing about my day. It’s really warm in my room, it feels like a summer night. I actually don’t mind that Pierre is sleeping on the couch, he’s not the best cuddler Hahhaha. So let’s see.. Where to begin… Pierre came over aound 11am. We had planned the day to go to the Lacma. The train wasn’t going to be at the Covina train station till 12:24 so we had some time to kill. So we had wonderful sexy time . Well for that I will not add all the details. After that we helped Nirra bury a dead baby bird, sad days man. The train ran late so we decided to go to this antique store I really like. It was closed so we ended up exploring around downtown covina. We found this really cool couch to take pictures on. Everything about those 20 minutes were great. I felt like I was somewhere else for a bit. Pierre took some photographs of me. I don’t know why I feel awkward in front of him. Le sigh. Actually when I think about it. I feel pretty awkward modeling for anyone besides myself. Le sigh. Anyways after the train we took the subway, got off on Western and Wilshire. Then took a million busses to the Lacma. To think we were ganna walk the 3 miles It was really interesting looking at all the different people, thinking about all their different lives. People just coming and going. Also, it was Mothers day so it was nice seeing a lot of people with flowers. Union station is super cool. Another part I really enjoyed was looking outside the window during the train ride. It reminded me of long car rides when I was a child. Now that I drive I don’t focus too much on all of my surroundings. My attention stays on the road. I swear I felt high while I was looking out that window. You know, that weird feeling? When you just feel I don’t know different. Everything was different. Like I saw everything in a new light. At the Lacma we spent a lot of time looking at german expressionism. It was really lovely to hear Pierre talk about the different paintings, the colors, underneath, the lines, form and the time that these artists put into their work. I thought it was super attractive that he was so passionate about art. I mean I fucking love art. But god damn, Pierre loves art. I mean he is an art major! And he keeps artists he likes in his notepad on his phone, I do that with photographers so I thought that was really cute. Fuck he’s so awesome. I’m writing this now because I don’t want to forget this day. After that we looked at some latin art that he needed to look at for his class. We didn’t spend much time there because we were starving. We went back on the subway and ate some wonderful mexican food. I forget the name of the place, I don’t even think I looked. But it felt like I was at home. There was also some super cool live music. They just went table to table.. After that we were too tired to walk around so we waited at Union Station for an hour. Then headed back home. My favorite part of the day was the train ride back home. It took us awhile to find a quiet spot ,but once we did it was quite comfortable. When he laid down on my lap, or attempted to. I just felt really happy. Happy that I met someone great, better than great. Happy that I was there at that exact moment. I felt lucky. Scared too because when it ends it will just be ridiculously depressing. But I’ll stop talking about that now. The negative side of me is coming out. Oh yes and not to forget! I just found out he spoke spanish. Couldn’t understand anything he said to me ,but I heard Amor so that had to be good. Not going to lie, I melted a bit. Sigh. I’m awfully tired now.

xoxo

Nikki 

My Dad & I got into a fight. He was mad that I didn’t take lots of pictures of the crowd last night. I took a few ,but was focusing on the music more because I thought that’s what he wanted. I get it, I forgot, I fucked up. I didn’t think of the event as a whole, I just thought of it as getting a few shots of my Dads band. But I shot the people doing their testimonies, the other bands, all of it. MIND YOU i’m fucking atheist, I absolute hate being around church people, they freak me out.My dad just made me feel shitty about my photographs. Like I wasn’t standing up during the whole event and supporting him. I AM NOT AN EVENT PHOTOGRAPHER. I don’t mind shooting events, capturing moments. But to be honest weddings, quinceaneras, parties just aren’t my thing. I feel like that’s all my Dad wants me to shoot just because the money is good. I don’t care about fucking money ,but I know I need extra cash because well I eventually have to grow up. I don’t want to take family fucking portraits, or baby portraits or engagement fucking photographs. I don’t mind it. But that’s what my Dad wants me to do. I hate it.  I fucking hate all of it. I like shooting places, people, friends, bands, nudes, weed. Can’t I just do that and somehow make a living off that? The answer is yes! I just need to do it. I refuse to be just like any other commercial photographer. I will have more art shows, shoot more naked people, make zines, make books,shoot for free, network :/ I hate networking. I hate selling myself. That’s the damn problem. But I’m going to stop being shy now. FUCK the world, I love you world.  And I’m done. 

Fuck.

Fold my clothes or just sit around instead. Decisions, decisions. 

WHAT THE FUCK 

Physically and emotionally. Feelings are gross. Working out hurts my thighs ,but it makes me look nice. What do feelings do? They break my fucking heart. Goodnight.

:3