NIKKI/PHOTOGRAPHER/SOCAL/MARYJANESLIDEFILM/21/LULU

Radical sex, wonderful love, bruises,weed, hiking, netflix and you.

I’m a happy girl.

Why am I being such a negative nancy?

I’m getting sick of everything I create. I’ve been sorting out my old photos and they are just making me depressed and I thought I was excited about new things I was making ,but idk today I feel off about them.  I feel off about everything. Maybe it’s because I’ve been trying to sort out my photos and that makes me feel like I’m sorting out of my life. I should really stop. But I need to sort out the good/bad/okay/great to really fix my website. Because their is too much clutter. I am tired… I think I might just be sick of editing photos on the computer. I wish I had everything I ever made printed then I could really sort things out. womp womp womp 

DID I REALLY GET A VOICEMAIL OF YOU CRYING ON THE PHONE. MY BEST FRIEND TELLS ME THAT I NEED TO STOP MAKING MEN WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE :/

gah

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IS IT LIKE DEATH WEEK FOR ME? If another person tell me they want to die…

“and there is nothing to look forward to     thus there is really no logical reason to continus this stagnet life       i think maybe i should leave this unfair world and go on to whatever happens after… “

My friend wrote this to me along with a bunch of other shit because I don’t want to be his friend anymore because he makes me feel uncomfortable. This old dude asked if I wanted to be friends with benefits with him. ? Like wtf? And then he’s like friendship has no age. And in my head I’m like duh that’s why I’m best friends with Fred! Ugh. I went on 3 photo adventures with this dude and he swears like we have some cosmic fucking connection. (That’s what Fred said) COSMIC CONNECTION, love that.Give me a fuckin’ break dude. So I’ve been ignoring him for awhile after the friends with benefits thing. And I pretend that I’m still dating the last person I was with and that I have a boyfriend. So he will back off. Then finally I reply to one of his emails because he’s asking what’s wrong? And after I tell him we can’t be friends because my boyfriend and I don’t feel comfortable hanging around him. He says that he cried and doesn’t know what to live for. OH MY GOODNESS.  THERE IS SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR not some random 22 year old (aka me) lol That goes with any guy. I hate when people put their lives on me. If I made you sad, I’m fucking sorry. But suck it up, things will get better. You should never live for anyone. Ehh doesn’t matter what age you are. Men are so dramatic. Okay not men. People, I’m dramatic! But I would never tell anyone I wanted to kill myself. This life is fucking wonderful. And telling someone you want to end life is so selfish. I would never do that to anyone. 

STAY POSITIVE GUYS!

So for my class we have this flickr group and you only have to post in 3 pieces of work every week.

Unless you want to post more to get feedback from students and the teacher. Of course I’ve posted like 11 photos already. Everyone’s going to hate me. I love flickr. 

So it’s been hard for me to sleep lately because I’ve been excited to live!

So in a month my self portraits will be up in the Fullerton College Hallways.

My teacher recommended that I put them up last semester. I’m going to try to dish out six new directorial pieces.I want to really make them different.I wonder if she will let me put up my ass photos lol

SUPER DUPER HAPPY THIS WEEK.

What the fuck? Life is all of a sudden very good again. Besides the fact that I miss my  neighbor terribly and it’s her birthday :( She turns 18 today and I can’t even take her out. FUCKING SHIT. Should I kidnap her? She only lives two houses down. I hate parents. I’m making a lot of $$$ today off prints and I am STOKED. Oh and I got a text from my good pal Dr.Chocolatepudding. He lost his phone and I’ve been wondering how the fuck he was doing. Can’t wait to see him. Hopefully next week! *crosses fingers** LML. 

I miss my fucking neighbor.Her sister saw my Instagram

And saw that I have weed on it and now she can’t come over anymore.I can’t even drop her off to school.It’s quite ridiculous.She’s my best fucking friend.Ugh just because I smoke weed doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.But that’s what her parents think.I’m a bad influence blah blah blah.So idk when I’m going to see her again.Idk if I should talk to her parents?I miss her so much.I see her like everyday.I don’t know what to do..Wtf happened to the sister code?And why has this been such a CUNT WEEK?!! Life just wants to fuck me…Oh and the asshole at LA fitness didn’t email me my pass even though he said he did?..I’m sorry I don’t want to buy a membership..He looked at me if I was so stupid and that I couldn’t afford a dollar a day.Then he just stared at my bff and all rude and didn’t even tell us that we could leave…Until I had to ask him about the week pass again and if we could still have it even though We weren’t signing up for memberships…I guess I should just laugh this over…hmphh

Guys I gained like 11 pounds from Last year. So very sad.

But it’s because of laziness and french friends and munchies and being comfortable. So my best friend got me a week pass at LA FITNESS so that’ll be my start off point. GOD, we had to talk to these people for like an hour it was so annoying. I wish I could have said I’m broke I’m just using your company for the pass that you offered so chillll. Lol anyways when I was 127 I felt super fat even though I actually looked pretty darn good. So wish me luck! I got this!!My goal weight is actually 125 :D SO 13 POUNDS. I AM GOING TO LOSE 13 FUCKING POUNDS.

Dear Soar Throat,

Please go away so I can feel alive again..